Well, that's not entirely true.
Since my first post in November 2013, I wrote a gift for Blog Secret Santa in December. Having a deadline to write for someone I respect did wonders for my writing stage fright. I also loved the entire process I used, it reminded me of writing English Literature papers: close readings of the text, exploration, exposition.
Looking ahead to January, the thought of a new year was particularly energizing, as my partner and I had big plans that we were finally ready to set into motion. As a personal goal, I intended to write once a month (and more importantly, POST). However, as the New Year began, my anxiety levels had been worryingly high. This, combined with abnormally low energy, sleep disruption, and heart palpitations, had me visiting my doctor as soon as we returned from our Christmas road trip.
As blood work would have it, it was my thyroid malfunctioning, not my brain. I also discovered a number of seasonal and food allergies to top it off. I didn't handle these changes well initially, even though out of all the auto-immune diseases, I have one of the most manageable ones. I began treatment and cut out certain foods due to the aforementioned allergies. I'll admit, having to change how I ate was perhaps the most difficult to cope with.
Did my intent to write dissipate? Not at all. I have written - I find I am writing all the time in my head and jotting down odd snippets. I had been using Editorially (though not to its full potential, alas), so much of my writing has been in iA Writer for Mac, and the occasional web editing of those .md files with Dillinger. I call these documents a scatter-shot of stubs.
What I have struggled with is not the writing, it's the threading everything together and editing to the point of publishing. Mike Monteiro keeps me company on my commute and I hear him in my head :
A very wise (and handsome) man once told me, “No one’s going to know what you think about unless you write and publish your opinions.” I was incredibly shy and insecure about my writing when he said that. (Here’s a secret: you don’t get over it. You push through it.)*
So I am pushing through it, as well as using new tools to help keep everything organized in a way that shows the progress I've been making. Now, I am less overwhelmed by the ideas I have and the steps needed to carry them out. It also helps that I am tending to my body as well as my inner life.
It feels good to make progress.
*From the chapter Getting Clients